How Do You Stop Negative Thoughts After Being Cheated On?

Games In Love
5 min readJan 29


After your marriage has been shattered by an affair, it’s easy to become despondent. Whether you are the honest spouse or the cheating spouse, this can be true. It can feel as if your life has drastically changed, regardless of whatever side you are on. It may appear like things will never improve. And constantly focusing on the unpleasant aspects of life can be depressing. However, seeing the other side can be difficult, How do you stop negative thoughts after being cheated on?

How To Deal With A Negative Spouse

Few examples

The adulterous spouse can say, “I’m extremely depressed, but I know I deserve whatever happens.” I only had one affair with my wife, and I am deeply remorseful. I have pleaded for her mercy numerous times, but she is enraged with me. We have tried counseling, but she remains enraged.

I can’t say I blame her. If she betrayed me, I would be furious. I’m furious with myself. But I’m powerless to change things, and our family is suffering as a result. Something is wrong, and our children are aware of it. I was scrolling through my phone last night and came across these photos from six months ago.

My family was content. That was before everyone realized how badly I was going to screw everything up. I don’t think we’ll ever be as happy as we were before. The counselor advises me to find small methods to ease my load at home, but I find it futile. Everything is now shrouded in darkness. I’d like to be more upbeat because I despise feeling this way, but I’m not sure how I can when it’s all my fault.

Relationship With A Negative Person

“My husband says he is remorseful for cheating and he does go to counseling every week,” you might hear from the faithful spouse. But he seems to believe that someone should be able to wave a magic wand and repair our marriage and home. I wish it was that simple, but it isn’t. My husband is always grumbling about how he despises the fact that the kids have to live this way, and it’s causing conflict in our home. Things have changed. I despise it as well. I wish I could laugh and grin again. However, I am enraged. I’m sorry, but I can’t help myself. I put my trust in my husband, and he betrayed me in the most heinous way imaginable.

How To Remove Negative Energy From My Husband

He lied with his teeth clenched. And now that he’s been discovered, he wants to act as though everything is normal. Our counselor and pastor advise that we make a concerted effort to maintain a more positive mindset in the future. No one believes me when I say I’d like to do this, but I would. Is everyone under the impression that I enjoy being angry and upset all of the time? I don’t think so. But I’m at a loss as to how to make the feelings go away. “How are you expected to be more upbeat after an affair?” you might wonder.

Negative Spouse

I agree that this is a difficult task. I’ll offer a few items that have aided me in some way.

To be clear,

I was first attempting to be positive for myself and my children. At the time, I didn’t believe my husband deserved my optimism, even though he did. It helped me to keep a thankfulness journal in which I wrote five things for which I was glad each night. I started with a few ideas but discovered that if I concentrated hard enough, I could generally come up with a lot more.

How To Stay Positive Around Negative Spouse

I can still recall practically every night’s similar themes. They included items such as:

1) I am still living

2) My kids are still alive

3) My children and I are both healthy I am physically and mentally capable of starting over if necessary

4) My husband and I both adore our children and will go to any length to ensure their well-being.

5) My dogs are devoted to me.

6) My extended family backs me up.

Because both my spouse and I are still alive, we may have a chance in the future, even if we are currently battling,

We have a place to call home,

There is enough food for us to consume,

I have wonderful pals who will support me.

How To Live With A Negative Spouse

I could go on forever. But, at the end of the day, keeping a gratitude journal helped me recognize that the affair was only a small part of my life.

Yes, it ruined everything else, therefore I had to teach myself to be defensive of other aspects of my life that I didn’t want to be tainted. I told my buddies that discussing affairs was forbidden.

How To Stay Positive In A Negative Relationship

And I eventually agreed with my husband that we’d try to talk about the affair at counseling and a couple of times a week, but that I’d try hard not to think about it elsewhere.

Because I was afraid that unless I made this intentional decision, I would spend every waking moment worrying about the affair, which I didn’t need or want. Spending so much time on it made me miserable.

How To Deal With Negative Spouse

Whether you ruminate on the affair or not, the truth is that things will change over time. Your viewpoint will change with time. Your marriage will either survive or die, but obsessing about it and allowing it to taint what is good in your life will not influence the outcome but it will make you feel a lot worse about everything else, including the good. It’s difficult to be positive in the thick of an affair. It requires you to be aware of your thoughts and decisions daily and then redirect yourself. But it may be worthwhile because swimming in negativity 24 hours a day, seven days a week is uncomfortable and debilitating. You are deserving of better.

Dealing With A Negative Spouse

Redirecting your thoughts to positive thoughts can become a habit with practice.

Early on, believe me, I swam in a pool of negativity. However, it was extremely inconvenient. It was quite difficult to keep that weight up all day, every day. As a result, I decided to abandon it. Keeping a thankfulness journal and trying to discover the good in every day seemed foolish at first.

Spouse Always Negative

But, guess what? It ultimately became a habit, and life felt so much better for both of us as I attempted to recognize the positive in my husband’s efforts. We couldn’t stop the relationship, but it was clear that he was trying and that we both loved our children.

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